Monday, July 7, 2008

In Memory Of

July 6, 2008 marks the sixth anniversary of my late husband's death. I found this photo of Bob. It pretty much demonstrates he was a person who enjoyed life. Yes, he loved his Heineken beer, though he wasn't much of a drinker. This photo was taken at a dinner party the night before my younger son's wedding back in 1997. It is hard to believe that five year later Bob would leave us.

Bob taught high school math for thirty-three years. His 34th year would have had him retiring from that profession, although Bob was not the kind of person to retire from anything. He probably would have been teaching at a local college at least part time.

He provided an excellent role model for his sons, who are now excellent fathers and husbands. He also provided a great role model for his students, many of whom have gone on and become what they intended to become, productive human beings doing what they love doing.

We will never fully know why people like Bob must leave us in this life. The only thing my family and I have come up with is that Bob after devoting all those years teaching young minds the complex problems of algebra, calculus, applied mathematical terms, Bob had fulfilled his purpose here on this earth. And he had only fifty-five years to do it. Young for someone who had so much more to give. Many do not leave such a legacy behind as he did where what he taught now lives on through the minds of all of his students.

I of course miss him every day. And I will continue to miss him until it is my turn to join him. The pain has soften somewhat to the extent that I am now able to upload a photo of him without experiencing too much of that pain, Instead a bittersweet sadness fills me inherent in losing someone like Bob from my life.

Yes, it has been a struggle these past six years, My struggle continues. In the process I've been strengthened by it all, no longer afraid that I can't go it alone without him. This is not what he would have wanted for me, not able to enjoy life because of fear.

So I continue to stumble along, make my way and know each day, each year I survive. I'm just lucky Bob left me two sons and their families to make this journey less painful.

Still, whenever one of my grandkids reaches a milestone in their lives, each one of us wonders, "Now what would Grampy have thought, or say or do?"

The fact that I can do this memorial is a milestone for me in a sense as it shows me the denial that I had been in is lessening along with the pain.

I do know that he would be smiling, have that mischievous look in his eyes, and know that he is always proud of his kids and his family members. Bob loved life! And he would want all of us loving life as much as he did!

Bob, you will always be loved and remembered in our minds and our hearts!


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