Animal Rescue Foundation

A little over two years ago a terrible fire destroyed a local no-kill animal shelter, ARF.  Originally this place was called Charwood Kennels and has been in existence for over 30 some years.  They are now rebuilding and will have a new and better place in which to place animals who have been abandoned.  Personally I don't see how anyone can do this to a pet.  The thought of my own dog being out there in what can be a somewhat unkind world to these creatures is frankly unthinkable.

I'm placing at the right of this blog a link directly to the Animal Rescue Foundation's website so you can see what a great place this was and will again be where it will offer a safe haven for God's unfortunate animals. 

This morning I had a nice doggie grooming session with my own puppy. 

I love to play doggie beauty parlor 

with my   PeekaPoo ...  

We're in Hurricane Season

The Great Hurricane hit the New England coast on September 21, 1938.  

A week or so later my mom and dad were married - October 1, 1938.  Often through the years they shared recollections about that storm.  They lived in Hartford, CT at the time.  The photo on the left shows Hartford right after the storm.  

I know my mom was worried that they might have to call off the wedding.  Fortunately, that did not happen and they ended up celebrating sixty-four years of marriage.  

Except in their sixty-fourth (2002) year both were suffering failing health and both passed on the following year (2003.)

Forecasters are telling us we are in hurricane season and to be prepared. 

Storms have always held a fascination for me.  I think because my sister and I while growing up heard the relatives talk about the Great Hurricane.   They told us it was as bad as it could get.  

This photo shows East Hartford, CT.   It shows the Travelers Tower, a place where my sister worked in the mid 60's.  It shows houses submerged under water.  Yet, I spent many summers there at a soda shoppe where my Aunt Mamie worked.  My sister and I stayed with her for a time when my mother was very sick.  This occurred in the early to late 50's.  I remember the old fashioned paddle fans whirling above the formica covered counters.  I remember the red stools that we often played on, twirling around in time with the fan.  My sister and I would tuck ourselves into one of the dark oak booths, enjoy the sundaes my Aunt Mamie made for us.  When we reached the age where we could read, along with those sundaes we also enjoyed all the comic books that filled one wall of the shop.  We had to be careful though.  Couldn't get any ice cream on the pages so that all could be returned to their respective slots after having been read.  Our favorites were Archie and Veronica.  Remember Betty, Jughead?  Also, Superman comics, Little Lulu, and many others.  We did end up buying more than we returned.  

I look at the photo of this bus with people trapped inside.  I heard about this story and thanks to the internet was able to find it and post it here. 

I remember taking the bus often from Windsor Locks where my Aunt Mamie lived to East Hartford where she worked.  I remember the smell of diesel fuel, and something else, I think pop corn.  I'm not sure why the pop corn.  I think because she would take us to lunch as Kresge's and there they had a huge pop corn machine.  Or maybe the recollection comes from those times Aunt Mamie took us to the theater (The Strand) where we watched the latest flicks and enjoyed that popcorn.  

I can only imagine the fear these people felt trapped in that bus with the rising waters swirling around them.

Yes storms hold a particular fascination for me perhaps because of these stories of people getting stranded, trapped, and eventually becoming rescued. 

When I started to write my story Stormbound at first I tentatively titled it Christmas in July!  Somewhere in my subconscious the story instead headed into a slightly different direction.  I had this cast of characters who become stranded inside a farmhouse.  (Did I mention the house my Aunt Mamie lived in we called, "the Farm!")   Each characters added to the story through their own quirkiness, flaws, and of course a few redeeming qualities.  

Storms test the spirit, as well as our ability to survive what they can throw at us.  I cannot look at photos of those who endure Katrina's wrath without wondering how they ever endured all those days not only during the storm but afterward. 

Storms remind us that we are not always in control of our destiny.  Storms come in many forms as well, not just those caused by meteorological occurrences.  Every person will at one time or another experience some form of storms within their lives. 

One of the things I came away with after writing my story STORMBOUND was that we can react like an oak tree, straight and strong, yet we may still become broken by the heavy effects of the winds.  Or we can allow ourselves to bend, to become pliant, enough so that whatever strong winds blow our way we in fact do survive.  

Hurricane seasons reminds us of that fact.  

The sun is finally back out!

Getting Old Is Not For Wimps!!!!

Wow, I really missed the sun this week.  After this posting I'm getting myself out there with my dog for our daily walks.  We look forward to them every day.  Yesterday I did manage to get her out there.  She's waiting for me now.  I'm a bit slow in the mornings.   I think it has to do with the fact that I'm not getting any younger, and this aging does not allow me to move all that fast in the mornings.  

I remember my mother telling me about the stiffness on getting up.  And now I'm experiencing that same stiffness and find myself shuffling more, and taking my time because I can't move as fast. When that happens out comes the therapeutic heat packs, the sports cream and these pain patches that you can put on the area that is hurting the most. 

Yep, getting older is not for wimps and each year becomes a test of wills.  I try not to let it stop me because I always figure once I let it dictate what I can or cannot do, the game is over. 

This is one reason why I continue to go dancing.  Dancing involves a lot in terms of processing both the physical and mental.  

Maybe that's one of the reasons that some say it even helps those with Parkinson's disease.  They noticed those who have this affliction once they're on a dance floor and are  moving to the music, the tremors stop and they can actually move about quite freely.  

I find the same happens to myself although thankfully I don't have Parkinson's.  

Except the other day I lifted and moved a couple of boxes of books and thought nothing of it.  But later that evening as I rose from the sofa to answer the phone my legs almost went out from under me and I had to grab on to a table.  From that point on out came the special heat wrap, the sports cream, and I limped around the house for the rest of the night.  

The next morning I felt better and was able to take my dog for her walk.  I'm okay once I'm standing, but it took several days before I could empty my dehumidifier simply because I could not bend down for the life of me to take the damn bucket out.  All was a reminder that as times passes, my poor body is now engaged in a downward spiral, a deterioration that comes with aging. 

I'll not give in so easily.  In fact I'm determined to do all the stuff that needs to be done around here mainly because I can't let any of this get me down.   

The whole idea of being unable to do this stuff affects my mental condition in a way that I don't become as productive in the writing.  I'm working on a series of stories, and I was going full speed ahead.  

I've come to a dead halt and need to regroup.  

Many believe a writer's life has to be the best on earth.  At times it is when the flow is there.  When it's not, and we don't produce, we not only become depressed by our situation, in turn we may hamper our ability to earn any monies at all. 

 Luckily I'm stubborn and simply won't give in to these aches and pains that are trying to tell me to slow down.  It's not feasible for me to do so.  Once the cooler weather gets here I'll do what I did last year, get out into that garage, fill up that Subaru for Goodwill, and get everything back on track.

Then I'll continue on writing my stories.

 

Rainy Days!

I don't particularly like rainy days and Mondays...now isn't there a song with that title , specifically a Karen Carpenter's song?  Well, it's true especially if those rainy day falls on a Monday and then the forecast has more of the same for Tuesday into Wednesday.  

And I certainly don't like rainy days after what I've been reading through my research on Vitamin D.  I like sunshine!  I'm not the proverbial sun worshipper but knowing why we need the sun has put a whole different perspective on things.  

We derive Vitamin D through interactions between UV rays and our skin, which I've discovered is not just a vitamin but a hormone that our systems require for optimal health.  And once we get that Vitamin D, then we absorb that calcium, which in turn helps to build stronger bones.

Okay so the fact that sunshine is actually good for us sans sunscreen lets me know why I feel great when I get myself out there and get some of those rays while walking my dog.  I come back from the walk feeling pretty darn good and ready to take on whatever project I'm working on.  Today was definitely not one of those days. 

Today I had a somewhat difficult time getting down to business.  

My weekend was quite busy and productive in terms of doing all the things I love to do which mostly consisted of dancing as well as walking my dog.  I spent time with a special person so I'm sure that is part of the reason why I feel this let down.  I should've gone to the Zumba class at the gym but the gloomy day pretty much made it easier to just stay put. 

Then again I've become accustomed to having people come into my life for a time, and disappear.  When you get to be my age that happens more often than not.  So for the time I'm with that person(s) I do appreciate the camaraderie as well as the activities.   For a long time now I've learned to simply live in the moment, not look toward a future of guarantees.  For some inexplicable reason something inside me will not allow me to do that,  which is to feel a certainty in life that I had once felt when my life was on a more even keel. 

Mondays become a real let down for me  especially after these busy weekends and especially when Monday turns out to be as gloomy as this Monday.   A reminder of how I dread the shorter days as well as the cold winter months ahead.  

I truly feel I need to be somewhere warmer, and where the sun shines most of the time.  My whole being tells me that's where I probably belong eventually at least during those long winter months that seem to go on and on here in the Northeast.

On days like this I can't help but recall those hot summers spent in Florida (Sarasota/Bradenton) and how great I always felt.  Of course I would feel that way.  I'm sure my Vitamin D levels where way up there where they're supposed to be.  My family and I spent a lot of hours on the the beaches, or in the warm salty waters either Holmes Beach or Coquina Beach.  I'm sure that is one reason why my father-in-law lived to the ripe age of 96 moving down there in the early 70's.  He was still riding his two wheel bike around hismobile home park well into his nineties. 

I took my Vitamin D supplements today and ate some canned Sockeye Salmon, some yogurt, and anything else that might contain some calcium, or magesium and of course Vitamin D, taking the approach that mindful eating helps to enhance my mood rather than suppress it.   And  there is that container of Hagen Daz Vanilla Almond ice cream sitting in the freezer waiting for me.

Rainy Mondays are more or less lonely days for me as well.  I start to reminisce too much about the past.  I think of the days when the screen doors would constantly open and close as my sons came and went.  knowing at this time of year we as a family would plan for some vacation, either short or long, and getting ready for that trip.  

When we're younger and working outside the home loneliness does not become too much of a factor in our lives.  It is when we reach that  time in our lives when life slows down some, and we find we have more time to reflect, to think, or to dwell on a past that offers us its memories. 

Rainy days and Mondays become a time for reflection of what once was and will never be again. 

Yes indeed, I need to go to my freezer, pull out that container of vanilla ice cream, and feed that part of me that needs uplifting.   Or maybe a nice glass of red wine!   I'm glad I have my puppy here to keep me company and put a smile on my face!  Tomorrow we will get each other out, probably to a Petco or Petsmart then over to my sister's for supper. 

A Great Day to Shop

In a little while I'm off to meet up with the grandkids at Friendly's for lunch.   From there we are headed to Kohl's to do some serious school shopping.  I love Khol's because they always have some pretty good buys.  I know this sounds like the proverbial commercial.  When I started to go out to dances, Kohl's was the store for me which I frequented regularly for my shopping needs.  As a single lady again, and with grown kids on their own, and pretty much on my own, I have to say I had no trouble filling up my closets.

But today I'll concentrate on buying for two of my grandkids who are now going into the second and fifth grades.  I can't believe it!  I'll take the other two grandkids out later this week as well. They are going into the first and sixth grade, and if that doesn't make me feel older.  Probably one of the reasons I get up mornings with stiffening joints.  Yep, I'm getting older!

This is the best times of their lives where learning is still fun, and there is just so much to learn that one needs a lifetime to keep up with it all.   I know I'm still learning, which I feel should be ongoing from birth to the time we slip into the next world.

Meantime, today the sun is out, the humidity isn't too bad, and it's a great day to get out there to shop during tax free week here in Connecticut.

Yeah!  It's Tax Free Week!

Let Food Be Your Medicine!

I have so many books on the subject of healthy eating, yet I still find myself going to the freezer and pulling out a small container of Haagen Daz ice cream.  I did enjoy my bone building soup earlier today.  I came across a recipe for this in one of my many books.  It required very few ingredients; garlic, onions, fat free chicken broth, and then I used a large family sized package of chicken legs, with the skin removed.  I cooked this soup for two days.  Also, I added a cup of apple cider vinegar. 

Yes, two days!  Actually the recipe said I could simmer it for three days in a crock pot on high. 

The broth had a wonderful taste, much more flavorful than if I had cooked the soup for the usual amount of time, around an hour or less.

What happens is the acidic content of the vinegar helps to dissolve the bone content.  In fact, I noticed when I ate the soup there is no cartilage, which means that probably dissolved in the soup.

Why go through all of this trouble? 

Calcium, magnesium, and whatever other minerals I can derive from the bones themselves.  This is what our grandmothers, great grandmothers, and before them did...cooked these soups for the mineral content within the bones themselves.

How many of us take the time to do this anymore?

How many ask others to "save the bones" for soup?  Then make soups that become loaded with nutritious minerals that our own bones can use?

We who have entered those years where calcium intake as well as other mineral intake is important only because our bodies' need for these nutrients will get them from somewhere, and it's usually our bones.  We can derive this calcium from nonmilk sources such as:

figs
oranges
papya
raspberries
almonds
hazelnuts
calms
salmon
Blackstrap molassses,
collard greens
dandelion greens
kale
mustard greens
turnip greens
hard water.

And to do this we need Vitamin D, which we can get from leafy greens, nuts and seeds, egg yolks and taking a walk where we can soak up sunshine.

It can become a balancing act especially if we are trying to keep our cholesterol numbers low. 

That is what I'm finding for myself.  I lowered those numbers eating whole grains, yet I now need to be careful when eating whole grain cereal so that the calcium in calcium rich foods will be absorbed. For me it becomes even more complicated.  Those requiring thyroid medication need to take extra care since such meds can endanger our body's calcium reserves.

What is a person to do especially when reaching a certain age where we become aware that our calcium reserves are no longer as high as they once were? 

Mindful eating is probably the way to go.  Each day I am now more aware of what I put into my mouth in terms of nutrients.  I'm small boned and don't eat a whole lot of food during the day.  So what I do eat needs to provide me with all the nutrients I require to at least keep ahead of my losses.

Too much dairy is going to raise those cholesterol numbers.  Not enough is going to lessen my calcium reserves.

Again, it becomes a balancing act and maintaining an awareness of what I'm putting into my mouth.  Yes, there are days when I just say, heck with it and have that small bowl of Haagen Daz.  Then as guilt follows, I'll go back to making the soups, taking the supplements, and praying that at my next series of test (blood test for cholesterol, bone scan for bone density) I will be okay.

Not an easy prospect. 

Writer's Block -- Is there a remedy?

This is something we writers can find ourselves struggling with at various times in our writing life.  I'm not exactly sure what causes this, but I suspect it has to do with what is happening in our own lives.

This week I was not very productive, I'll admit it.  Last week I couldn't get the words out fast enough on the screen.

I think a state of mind could be one factor.

When I'm happy, calm, at peace with myself or my environment, I find the brain is more than willing to produce the words, scenes, characters that can make up a completed story line.

On the other hand when something is troubling me, or I don't feel too settled, and become filled with a kind of angst, productivity goes right down the tube.

Yet, I find like the sportswear company tells us, Just Do It!

Today I started three short stories that will eventually result in another trilogy.  Needless to say it was slow going.  My mind would not settle down.  That same angst, that same troubling feeling kept welling up inside me.

I'm thinking.  Maybe it had to do with letters that I've been reading.  Letters written to and from my parents dated in the early 1940's.  This was several years before my sister and I were born.   These letters occurred just before and during the war (WWII.)

My mom was very unhappy because my father was called to serve.  She was lonely, and from reading her letters had become quite depressed over the situation.  She could not bear to be without my father for one day.  There were also letters from my aunts to my dad telling him how my mother was not doing well because he was not with her.   And by the time my father did come home, nine months later from his returned date my sister and I were born.

Unfortunately, my sister and I agreed that back then my mother needed psychiatric treatment for a severe depression that did not lessen with his return.  And she did end up having electric shock treatments occurring at a time that such treatments were primitive at best, and probably did her more harm than good.  It made me realize I never truly knew the person who my mom was because these treatments occurred when we were only four years old.

From that point on my mom became an agoraphobic.  That coupled with the fact she also probably suffered from a disorder now known as borderline personality disorder, my sister and I can look back and now begin to understand why mom was the way she was.

Yes, seven years after her death we now understand.  Back then while growing up in our household, we did not, and consequently life was at best difficult, a constant struggle with ourselves and with her while trying to develop and consequently live in the "real" world.

It also made me realize it can take some courage to live in this world as a single person.  I've done it for eight years since the death of my husband.  I'm actually witnessing more pros as oppose to cons to being a single person.  I also thought at one time I could not live one day without my husband.  It has been eight years, and I think I'm doing all right considering.

Living as a single person we come to realize we must count on ourselves to do the things we need to do for ourselves.

We make our own happiness, and not live life through another or count on that person to provide that state of happiness for us.   It doesn't work.

It did not work for my mom, who counted on my dad to be there for her 24/7.

One reason why I think my sister has remained single.  And probably one reason why I will continue that status as well.

We can lose ourselves if we allow ourselves to become connected to another in a way that can make ourselves disappear.
My mom disappeared.  It did not have to be that way.  While my dad was in the service, she could have lived  joyful life with her family and friends.  They were all willing to do that for her.  Yet she allowed herself to settle into a depressed state of mind that actually prevented her from gaining the strength to go on and do her thing.  My mom's life was tragic at best losing her own parents at the age of four, and then being put into an orphanage.  This I learned only one month before her own death in 2003.

Letters of the past reveal so much...and yet I haven't read them all.  I plan to.  I plan to put them into a book format.  I plan to give them to my own kids and grandkids so that they will get a sense of the family.  A family torn by war.  Most of what was in the letters the ones I read were about my dad, my uncles all waiting to be called to serve their country.  And then letters to them as they trained in the various boot camps.  And then letters revealing their fears of going overseas and never seeing their family again. 

Yes, anything can cause a writer's block.  But I think my bout of writer's block may be over for the time being considering what I've so far written in this blog.

Life can sometimes get in the way for a writer.

When that happens, we simply allow ourselves to be, perhaps reflect on what is happening within our lives.  It may be a way for our subconscious mind letting us know we need to pull back, take a breath, address whatever issues we may be having with ourselves or with others.

I've done this I think right here in this blog.

Thank You Dr. Oz!

As well as all the doctors on the show The Doctors! 

Today while I pushed my grocery cart into the line to check out the man in front of me, a nice guy really was haggling over some sale price on paper towels.  The young female cashier was very polite yet pointed out to him that he was wrong re the sales price.  I didn't pay all that much attention to what happened as I was busy sorting my own stuff and getting it on to the conveyor belt.  But the one thing I do pay attention to is what people buy in terms of groceries.  I'm always tempted to tell them the six large bottles of soda isn't going to do good things for them nor is the processed packaged foods that purport to be healthy but in fact may add to an over all problem we now have here in this country, which is growing obesity in the young as well as older American.   I usually keep my mouth shut.

When it was my turn to check out the young cashier picked up my container of hommus and tells another cashier this is what it looks like! Immediately I knew this young person had some knowledge about healthy eating.  As I put out my stuff which basically consisted of veggies and fruit as well as fixings for my soup such as beans and fat free chicken broth, she picked up my bag of avocados, which I have to admit were kind of pricey at this store (2 for $3) and I had six of them.  She looked at me and said, "I hate peeling these but I love them!"   Wow, I thought.  Someone her age had to have been raised by some very conscientious parents who taught her about nutritious foods and fed her foods that could add to her overall health.  I mean I haven't come across too many young people who "love" avocadoes unless they were in a fat filled dip like guacomole. 

I say this because last year my cholesterol numbers were high...the highest they've ever been.  For me that is scary especially since my triglycerides were at an all time high.  High triglycerides is never a good sign.  My late husband struggled to get his numbers lowered even though his total cholesterol fell within the normal range.  A high triglyceride number is not good simply because it tells us we are good candidates for a heart attack.  At my age that raises more than a bit of concern.  It tells me at my age I need to be even more mindful of what I'm eating.   

From that point on I decided to do it Dr. Oz's way!  Everytime 'd go grocery shopping I would do it more mindfully keeping in mind all the good things he told us about and what we should or shouldn't be eating. 

I was never a true avocado eater but have come to enjoy them.  Yes, they are very high in fats and so I keep in mind the caloric content.  The fat content is healthy, and what Dr. Oz refers to as MUFA.  Monounsaturated Fatty Acids.

One every other day with a bit of squeezed lemon for me has now become a treat in and of itself.  Throughout the year I concentrated on eating more of the good fish like salmon, sardines, and yes on Dr. Oz's recommendation, Baramundie fish.  I made soups consisting of vegetables like kale, escarole, chard, collard greens, along with beans, such as those white beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, and of course what Dr. Oz calls a superfood -- lentils.

I walked my dog and no one can tell me it's a coincidence that since she came into my life last August, that my cholesterol as well as blood pressure (yes, that was up as well) are all well within a normal range.   She doesn't even need to have her nails clipped because of the walking we do every day!

I also started to have a glass of wine several times a week.  Not every day but more often than I did before.  Specifically I drank red wine, preferably a Cabernet Sauvignon, which I've read is great for helping to lower cholesterol and is heart healthy because of its reservatrol content.

I've gone through at least three boxes of Quaker Oatmeal (not instant because I was eating instant last year and that only raised my blood sugar levels which now are below 100.)

I've been eating more nuts, specifically almonds every single morning.  I grind these along with sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds.  I spread a couple of tablespoons over the oatmeal.  I also throw in ground flax seed, as well as hemp seeds, and recently have been adding Chia seeds to the mix.  A little cinnamon for blood sugar control along with a cup of rinsed blueberries (either fresh or frozen) and almond milk does the trick for me.  I never get too hungry throughout the day.

I've also been making frozen yogurt pops using Activia yogurt.  I purchased these pop makers through Amazon and these are working out better than expected.

What Dr. Oz tells us works!   It truly worked for me.  When the bloodwork results came in the mail from my doctor's office I couldn't open it at first.  When I did I was quite pleased to see that I had lowered my cholesterol from 289 to 200, and I am still working on getting it lower.

Yes, I could have gone on statin drugs except I don't do well on meds because of side effects.  Some people can take meds for cholesterol and blood pressure and not be bothered by the side effects I have never been able to tolerate meds that produce any side effects.  I knew I had to believe as Dr. Oz does that getting healthy is a matter of becoming mindful about what we ingest into our bodies.

We are essentially feeding machines.  I'm not sure when it started, probably with the advent of industrialized food processing that we may have been led to believe we can ingest all the processed foods that is produced into our systems. Unfortunately, our bodies don't know this and do much better on whole foods that has not been processed in any way.  If you think about it, organic foods, foods that come from the earth is pretty much all we need to thrive.  A package of Twinkies, or a package of processed hot dogs is not going to do that.  Whole foods produce certain chemical reactions deep within our cells that processed food can't come close to providing.  It's like running a car on alcohol and not gas and hoping the right interactions are taking place, when in fact none takes place and the car eventually no longer works.  

When you think about it, we probably could do without at least 90% of what is sold in terms of food in our grocery stores.  As Dr. Oz tells us by doing our shopping around the perimeters we in fact need very little if anything from the inside aisles.

I recently read 180 billion dollars is spent on the treatment of diabetes, a condition that is caused by diet and lifestyle.  I'm not only hoping but I'm praying that more young people like the young lady I met today in the grocery store will make it a point to learn about what their bodies really need, what they should be eating, and what they can do for themselves in terms of mindful shopping as well as mindful eating.

Only then will we see these astronomical figures of healthcare costs go lower and to a saner level.  I'm also thinking what our country could have done with that 180 million dollars.  First on my list is educating ourselves on getting healthy and staying healthy by eating the correct foods and living an active life.

Thanks Dr. Oz!

Keep spreading the word about how to eat and stay healthy!

July 6, 2010

Today is a very hot day. We are in fact experiencing a heat wave here in the Northeast with temps going into three digit numbers. I'll always remember a similar week back in the same month, July 2002, and same day -- the 6th -- where temps hovered in the 90's, with the humidity also quite high. I remember my own doctor on TV advising people to cut down on outdoor activities, especially if they had any kind of heart problem.

I would give the same advice today and throughout the week, particularly for us "older" folks whether or not we have heart problems. I'm finding that as I get older I don't seem to adjust as well or as quickly to these temperatures.

I just stepped out a moment ago to check my mail and felt my lungs struggle to get oxygen through my system. I don't have any serious physical problems, nonetheless I know I will be curtailing outside activity until this heat is over.

I enjoy taking my PeekAPoo puppy for her morning and late afternoon walk. Today and probably for most of the week I won't be able to do that. Instead although I do have air conditioning, I'll take her to a Petco or Petsmart where we can at least walk around the stores in relative comfort.

Eight years ago today I crossed the path into widowhood. At times it's still hard for me to believe it has been eight years but looking back and seeing the journey I've been on, I can say this journey definitely changed me in ways I may not even realize even when I cross that same path as my late husband that took him beyond this world.

Widowhood may put one into a place that separates them from an ordinary world where one might feel disconnected from it in terms of being able to relate to it in that same ordinary sense.

My mind plays tricks on me. In my dreams I find myself back in that ordinary world where death was only a word, and its effects a distant problem.

But since July 6, 2002 death pretty much has stayed close by. It does it through memories of a past that was severed from me in a way that has me wondering if that past life even happened.

I guess because life continues to change, and that is inevitable.

We who become widowed make this journey sometimes feeling connected, and sometimes feeling quite alone.

I've often since that day have found myself shaking my head and wondering about the identities I've assumed as I grow older and cross newer paths.

It's not easy.

But this type of journey does strengthen us in a way where we can face that next inevitable occurrence in our lives.

The journey helps us appreciate whatever moments we have here mainly in the small things, not so much the big things.

I continue to write my stories, self publish them, and live a much more narrower life in terms of my connections to the world.

As a result I sometimes find myself connected more to the past than to a future that at the present is not quite so clear.

And so I live and appreciate small moments and any of the good things that come my way.

STORMBOUND - EXCERPT

Excerpt of Marie Visone Roy's
Stormbound

"Are we getting a Christmas tree this year?" Zachary squinted up at her, his three foot five inch frame fidgeting beneath her struggling fingers. His large brown eyes remained fixed on her face as he waited for her answer. 

When she realized he actually expected a response from her, she stopped pulling at the stuck zipper. “Zach, where’s your mind at? Have you forgotten we’re only into July?" She resumed the yanking trying not to let his words distract her from the task at hand, which was to free the damn zipper, and promised herself that his next raincoat would contain only snaps and no zipper.  

"I know that!” He rolled his eyes. “But last night I dreamt that you and dad were fighting over which tree to cut down. At least I think it was Dad. Maybe it was an angel. I saw a movie the other night at Tommy’s house. They had a bunch of angels playing baseball. Do you think Dad will come down here and play baseball with me? I bet if we get a tree, he’ll even help us decorate it. I want to have Christmas here this year, instead of going to Gram's house. Dad said we should stay here for Christmas."  

“He did, did he? And when did he tell you this?”  

“Last night. In my dream. Aren’t you listening? We have to stay here for Christmas. Dad wants us to stay here,” he emphasized. “He said you can make those gingerbread cookies you always used to make for us.” His eyes took on a look that could make her feel sad along with some guilt.  

“Look, Zach, Gram will be disappointed if we don't go visit her at Christmas. She looks forward to us coming down. Besides, we don’t have to do what our dreams tell us. They’re only dreams, they’re not real.” Their life had become more surreal than not with the passing of her husband five years before. Since then, each day had become a reminder of that void. Zach was determined to keep his dad alive through these dreams he kept having every night.  

"Why can't Gram fly up here instead? At least we get snow up here. It’s never going to snow in Florida. It never feels like Christmas down there. It’s not the same."  

"I thought you enjoy helping Gram put up her tree," Lacy reminded him, hoping he would agree and they could end the discussion. At the same time it made her wonder why they were even having this conversation what with summer having just begun.  

Zachary glanced toward the end of the driveway. "Yeah, well…” He turned back to her. “Why does it always have to be at her house? It's just not the same having it there!" He glanced down at his toe and dug the tip of his sneaker into the soft rain soaked earth until the top turned a muddy brown. He stared at it. Then he looked back at her. "Besides, Christmas trees aren't supposed to be all white. And Gram puts on those dumb pink bulbs. I never get to throw the silver stuff Dad used to like."  

Lacey sighed brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead. Five years should have helped ease the pain so that there wouldn’t be any more of these arguments. The distance between her and Zach widened when they found themselves at odds with each other and returned to where emotions refused to become buried in the past along with Charlie. 

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EXCERPT:

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My Walks with Sugar

I'll be taking Sugar for her second walk in a little while. I look forward to taking her. We walk around the neighborhood where it's quiet, and most are still at work. My work of course is done inside my home.

I've lived in this neighborhood for close to 40 years. It's hard to believe. I almost moved away last fall but decided against it for the time. And since then I've realized how lucky I am to be where I am, in a location one can actually relax, and feel more in touch with nature. Yes, I have neighbors on all sides, but am situated in a way that I do have my privacy, yet we can all look out for each other, which we do.

I moved here in 1971, actually at the end of August. Married, with a two year old and six months pregnant with my second child, this was going to be our "starter" home. Except as the years passed, we found it easier to stay on, add on, and remain where we were. My house is considered tract housing, a small ranch house. We paid I think $20,000 for it. We added a two car garage, a family room, another full sized bath, a deck. The basement is finished. The yard is kept up by my neighbor, who does a fantastic job. He lives in the back so is always around to do whatever needs to be done. His son plays with the younger boys across the street. They often cut through my yard to visit each other's house. I don't mind. We have formed a community and we look out for each other.

Still, whenever I go out into my backyard, I envision how it once was. My neighbors to my right, the original owners of that house have passed on. I can still imagine Roger out in his garden, or building a windmill, or stocking up on wood, filling a special shed just for that purpose. I imagine him with my late husband, figuring out how to start and complete the latest project. Each holding a beer, kabitzing about the best way to do things.

Helen, Roger's wife loved bingo. She also loved her hot dogs, and knitting or crocheting.

Roger loved his special projects, like that windmill. I'm not sure if he ever really generated any electricity out of it.

Every summer Helen would holda tag sale. One time I participated in a neighborhood tag sale with Helen and her sister Jeannie. Both have passed on, joining Roger, and my husband.

I now walk around the neighborhood with Sugar. All the kids have grown, and have kids of their own.  It's all different. 

The years passed so quickly. And each generation will wonder how does time go by so fast like that, leaving behind only memories.

The above ground pool we once enjoyed is long gone. I did not plant a garden this year, although the ground is ready for it having been rototilled last week. I simply did not get around to it. Age has something to do with it of course. I conserve my energy now for those actitivies that I want to enjoy. Dancing being one of them which I'll do tonight.

My walks with Sugar gives me the opportunity to reminisce, reflect, and re-evaluate. As July 4th weekend approaches, I am reminded that it will be eight years that will have passed since losing my husband on that fateful day (July 6, 2002.) In the beginning of my grieving I was told eventually we get "over" such terrible tragedies. In a way I will agree. Yet, I have to warn we totally never get over those type of events in our lives that pretty much turn us upside down.

I'm sure that every day since that day I have at some point during any given day thought of what happened. The images don't disappear but become embedded into our psyche. Thirty-three years with someone does not disappear. Forgetting become an impossibility.

We go on. We make a new life. We create new memories. We can laugh again. We can experience joy again. Yet, in the quiet moments, such as taking a small dog for her walks we can be transported back in time, and even start to again enjoy those moments created by that past life.  Moments such as those have made us who we now are in the present.

Through death, through divorce, through an event that separates us from that person we had spent a lifetime with, it is the  memories that stay.

As a result, I think we appreciate more of what is in the here and now. We remember to show gratitude for when things go well, because we know how it can all go wrong and turn on a dime.

We value relationships better, and we become more patient with those who are now in our lives.

And why I look forward to my daily walks with my dog Sugar, and am more grateful and more appreciative of all that life brings to me.

This week will be a week of reflection for me of course as it has been since after 2002.

TWO REVIEWS FOR NO MORE SECRETS, NO MORE LIES

While surfing the net today, which I occasionally do to see if any new reviews are there for any of my books.  I came across two of them today.  Of course, seeing that I received five stars from one, and four stars from the other...I'm doing a snoopy dance.

I'm posting them here so that I can come back to this page and look at them, especially on those days when I may feel a bit discouraged, or down, or simply wondering if I should be doing something else.  Of course I know the answer.  At this stage in my life, I need to do those things I fully feel a passion for and that is creating complex plots, complicated characters, and stories where readers will find a satisfying ending.

This reviewer gave No More Secrets, No More Lies five stars!

Years ago, Sydney Morgan gave up on the only man she ever loved. After spending an entire weekend together, Sydney wasn't prepared to find out that the man she thought she knew, was in fact engaged to be married. Not waiting on an explanation, Sydney left him, her job, and disappeared. Her choices eleven years earlier weren't made just for her sanity, she had someone else to think about. While Sydney thought she was doing the right thing at the time, she is now haunted because the man she has continued to love is now one of her clients and he wants back into her life. What will he do when he finds out the lies she had to tell in order to keep her most prized possession safe?

Grant Sinclair is pleasantly surprised to find that his new financial advisor is none other than Sydney Morgan. When she left him eleven years ago, Grant was almost destroyed and thought to lick his wounds by marrying another, which didn't work. Grant is divorced now and when he sees Sydney again, he wants to take up where they left off, only Sydney isn't cooperating. Grant finally learns the reason for her subterfuge when he realizes that she is a single mother of a son. A son that seems to have been born nine months after their weekend together. A son that thinks his father is dead.

Will Sydney's lies be too much for Grant to bear? While she thought she was doing the right thing at the time, Sydney is tired of the lies and decides to tell all.

No More Secrets, No More Lies by Marie A. Roy is intensely emotional and often times just downright sad. Choices made by Sydney made me wince at times but I could relate to those same choices and was able to lend my support. Grant Sinclair made me a bit irritated in the fact that, while he never called Sydney in eleven years, he immediately wanted to pick up where they left off without first asking for any explanations as to why she disappeared. Have no fear, however, Sydney put him right in his place and that made me smile.

No More Secrets, No More Lies was a good read. I applaud Marie A. Joy for writing such a poignant novel. Fully able to relate to making choices alone, I found myself immersed in the story and sighed with satisfaction when finished. I think I have found another author to read and for that, I am happy!

Talia
reviewed for Joyfully Reviewed 

This reviewer gave No More Secrets, No More Lies four stars! 

Secrets have a way of revealing what you wished to stay hidden . . .

Sydney Morgan has just been given an account that could either make or break her career. She is determined to win GS Enterprises but she is totally unprepared when she discovers that GS's CEO is Grant Sinclair. Her past has come back to haunt her. Grant is the same man that she put out of her life ten years prior .... the same man who broke her heart ... the same man who is the father to her physically challenged son, Brian .... the same man who still sets her heart to racing. Will she have the courage to face Grant and reveal the secret she has kept locked away from him for so many years?
Grant Sinclair hasn't seen Sydney Morgan for ten years but she still has that same beauty that had captured his attention the first time his eyes met hers so many years ago. However he is saddened to see that those same eyes are now shadowed with guilt and doubt. What has happened to her? Will he be able to convince her to reveal the secrets that she has kept so well guarded? Will he be able to accept the truth if he does?
In NO MORE SECRETS, NO MORE LIES Marie A. Roy does an exceptional job in her development of her characters. It has been a very long time since I found myself growing so close to the book's characters. Her smooth poignant plot will stand up with the best in the romance industry. Books such as this one are hard to put down once read.

By Suzie Housley -MyShelf.com Book Reviewer