Grieving: The First Three Months takes us on a journey into the grieving process. A critical journey that all will take when they lose a loved one.

The journey is not easy but can be made in a way that at some point a light of hope paves the way.

Ms. Roy's book can help light that way as she shares her own first three months after suddenly losing a spouse after thirty-three years of marriage.

Author Marie Roy's husband's sudden unexpected death changed her life in an instant from "normal" to anything but "normal."

Ms. Roy shares emails sent to and from family and friends during the first three months after her husband's passing. These emails helped her by providing the support bereaved persons may seek and need especially during the initial crucial first stages of grief and loss.

Ms. Roy shares her journey during this extremely painful time providing suggestions on what to expect and how one might get through an excruciatingly painful period, especially if there is guilt as Ms Roy experienced along with the overwhelming fog of grief.

After reading Ms. Roy's book one may come to realize that hope still lies ahead and out from the darkness of despair a light will begin to shine ahead as the bereaved works toward surviving the grief and processing the pain.

Available at the following online publishers:

Amazon


Barnes and Noble Online


Lulu


Smashwords

Storm Alfred

Last Saturday, October 29, 2011 I had my Halloween costume all ready to go. I was looking forward to the Halloween Dance for singles. So was my partner. That afternoon we were shopping at a local shopping center when I glanced out the window of the store and noticed that it had started to snow. It was coming down pretty fast. Since I live in the higher elevations I knew I had to get home. Up my way the roads could get slippery especially since it would be a while before towns could get material on them.

Here it was the weekend of Halloween. The previous Halloween I had no concerns about the weather. I had dressed up as a Vampire. So did my partner. We had a wonderful time. No one recognized us.

This year things would be different. Very different. Once we got home we decided not to go out. Also, the dance was postponed for the next night. We figure that was okay with us. We settled down to watch a scary movie.

Shortly after 5 pm the lights flickered. Then while dusk fell the lights went out. My worse fears realized. Snow falling steadily, temperatures dropping, and no lights, no heat, left in total darkness.

I do keep a supply of lanterns and flashlights. Yet, despite the fact we had some light, lying in bed that night beneath a sleeping bag made for sub zero weather, a sense of isolation also settled upon me.

And of course getting up the next morning in a cold house immediately instills a growing concern of just how long this power outage was going to last. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't going to be a short duration.

For my area it lasted four days. Four days of ensuring that I had gas in the car's gas tank so I could get to and fro from my sister's place who although she had no power did have a gas fireplace that managed to heat up her condo to a comfortable enough temperature.

Yet, she did not have a gas stove and we found ourselves driving around areas that also had no power, searching for a place that could provide us hot water.

We did go to a local shelter where we were able to get hot water. Slowly, each day as the power was restored we were able to get some hot meals.

It wasn't easy those four to five days. Those in my small group adopted a survivalist mentality. Suddenly, we were focused on only the basics...food, water, and warmth.

We started to envy those who had power either via a generator, a wood burning stove, or one of thsoe pellet stoves. I had none of those things.

I remembered on the second day that I had purchased a kerosene heater a few years back solely for this purpose. Not even out of the box yet we quickly set that thing up.

Still it had its shortcomings, one of which was to run out of kerosene. Also, because of the danger of carbon monoxide poisoning I wasn't going to run that thing for too long a period of time inside my house. Instead we used it to take the chill out of one room, even used it to heat up some water, which took forever.

On the fourth day my power was restored. I called from my sister's and was ecstatic when my answering maching finally kicked in.

Yet I'm sitting here feeling still not quite so settled. In fact when we think about that week without power (six days for her and a friend) we feel as if we had traveled to a third world country. We at times had started to feel like refugees. We felt misplaced, and we felt a sense of a total vulnerability that taught us never to take anything for granted.

During that time we watched a 7" portable TV, we watched movies on a small DVD player, we ate our meals by battery operated lanterns, and we took no showers.

That first hot shower made all the difference in allowing us to feel that things were going to finally get back to normal.

Yet, somewhere inside me I no longer feel that same sense of security I had once felt before this storm hit. I will probably maintain a survivalist mentality. I'm looking into getting those things that will help me get through the next disaster, although I'm not sure if that even that would be enough.

Things are quiet for now. I'm hoping to get back to my writing projects. I think of my story Stormbound which is not available due to the fact the publisher it is with is no longer functioning. My story is in a sense being held hostage by this publisher. Yet, the premise in my story is also that of a survivalist mentality.

And winter hasn't even begun.

Last day of the Month

Yes, another month gone by. The weather is beautiful. Clear. Bright. Low humidity. And no rain in sight. That will come tomorrow. If my parents had lived beyond their 80's they would be celebrating their 74th wedding anniversary. When you think of it anyone celebrating anything past seventy years is pretty darn good. I made it to thirty-three and actually figured on seeing fifty. God has his own plans for everyone. We just need to accept them and continue on.

I've been doing that working on several writing projects, both fiction and non-fiction. It has been slow, like me the older I become it seems the slower I get things done. I am like the tortoise, I eventually get to where I'm going.

I had a hearing test the other day. Not surprising I do have some hearing loss yet it is so small it doesn't give me too much concern. I can still hear the ticking of a wall clock in my kitchen so that tells me...what do I want to hear that is softer than the ticking of a clock anyway? Mice crawling through my walls? The weather is getting colder and this time of year the field mice find their way in. I had three living in my basement some years ago. I would trap them in these no kill traps. Then I would release them into the backyard. After a while it felt as if I were releasing them out there to get some air and then that night they'd come back inside where it was nice and warm. I made the mistake of naming them --- Minnie, Molly, and Mo.

My dog now takes care of them by barking at the walls. Little do they know how small she is...her bark far worse than her size.

Fall is here and unlike some who travel miles to see the foliage, I merely drive to the nearest Walgreens via the back roads. Color is starting to burst now and I am reminded that we need to enjoy the weather now before the first snowfall. That is when I should be more productive as I hunker down inside and continue to work on all of my projects.

Meantime, I'm getting the dog's leash to let her know we are out of here for her morning walk.

Is there life after death?

Does anyone really know the answer? Yet perhaps when we asked those who have passed on they may be able in some way tell us as long as we are aware of the signs that can come our way.

My sister and I visited our parents' graves recently. I stood by the gravestone and aloud I posed the question basically asking my mom if she was doing okay on the other side.

Moments later as we walked around the various gravestones we noticed a dragonfly flying nearby. At first we didn't particularly pay much attention to it until it appeared that it was following us around the grounds. My friend Joe decided to take a picture of it with his camera/phone. He was able to take several pictures at close range. The dragonfly seemed to hover long enough for him to do this. In fact at times it would come closer to us. A second dragonfly was also spotted, with almost as much curiosity as the first. The would dart upward then come back and hover some more as if they were trying to let us know something.

It dawned on me. Could this be my parents' way of letting us know they are doing okay on that other side? I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that becoming aware of what happens around us we also become aware of those small seemingly insignificant signs that can take us into other dimensions.

The fact that mankind does not know all there is to know about this universe allows me to believe that yes a small dragonfly can and in fact did let us know that my parents are doing just fine on the other side.

Below are photos that help confirm yes, my mom and dad are doing okay.

Life After Death?

Labor Day 2011

I should have been writing today instead I spent an afternoon at a Verizon store. I bought myself a new phone and now I can text. I didn't get anything too expensive, in fact this one was on special and the cost wasn't that bad. I always figure I could get away without the texting. That was several years ago. Now I'm finding "everyone" text. And there are good pros to this being that you can send someone a message and not call them. This works especially well if they're in a meeting or can't pick up the phone. Yet they can check for messages and text back without having to call back and talk. Again, there's a plus to this.

I'm finding you really can't get away with ignoring technology at least not for too long because then you can find yourself becoming so out of touch with everything, you're no longer living in the "real" world. Unless you're living a cloistered life you can find yourself not only in the dark but having no clue to what is happening around you.

So now I can text. I do have a limit of how many still I don't see myself using up the 250 allowed to me on my plan in one month. Then again as I become more and more connected to this "real" world I may even go over that amount.

Today was a productive day in terms of the phone. Now I need to refocus back on my writing projects, one of which is well over 80K. The other is a short erotic romance dealing with online dating, something I no longer do. Yet, thinking back to those times when I was online there are good stories to be created inspired by my moment of insanity. Online is a whole other creature that can take someone to places they may normally not go.

And it certainly provides fodder for any creative mind simply because life in the online dating world can be far stranger than fiction.

Can't Wait Until This Weekend Is Over

Because come Monday the sun will be shining. I only hope we'll all be standing. We're one of millions in the path of Hurricane Irene. In the past I would be somewhat concern because often times the thing would end up pushing out to sea. Doesn't look like this is the case this time.

So we wait and watch the weather reports. I'm hoping the terrain it travels over will slow it down and weaken it to a mere "storm." One can only hope.

This all serves to remind us Mother Nature is always in charge. It can paralyze whole cities, whole countries, even whole continents.

I'm leaving in a few minutes to do the things recommended to prepare for the storm; batteries (if any are left), water (I managed to get some yesterday), and non-perishable foods. I did get a can opener that doesn't need to be plugged in. I have lots of tuna fish and canned salmon. I even managed to get a loaf of bread and so can make PJ's for a few days.

Still, when you're younger you can weather these things out...but as we get older we're not a flexible. In fact I'm feeling more like the oak tree rather than the willow tree, both of which play a small part in my story STORMBOUND.

I'm going to keep that premise in mind throughout the weekend into Monday and hopefully will become the willow tree come Monday morning.

Already into August 2011

Whoa! The summer's going by too darn fast. I haven't done anything that comes close to a vacation. Although I have to tell you those who know I'm a writer feel that I'm perpetually on a vacation. Not. This week I spent hours promoting my stuff, then few more hours creating a new cover for my latest WIP. It took that long because first I had to teach myself how to merge images within Photoshop Elements 2.0. I think only by luck I managed to figure it out using layers, palettes, and other tools provided by this software.

Today I'll take off the promo hat and the graphic artist hat and put back the writer bonnet and will work on that WIP which is happily at 80K words with the whole thing pretty much in place. I'm reading a great book on writing titled The artful Edit: On the practice of editing yourself, by Susan Bell. I'm finding this book helpful in that it helps me focus on looking deeper into my manuscript and gain perspective and well as seeing the big picture (macro-editing) and the smaller picture (micro-editing or the details).

I'm also waiting for my sofa bed to arrive from Bob's Discount Furniture and pray that they don't have too much trouble getting it into the front door, through the living into the small room. The room used to be a small bedroom. I moved everything out and have used it more for storage but moved that stuff out and will use it for a sitting/guest room.

The sun is coming out through a murky morning haze. Thankfully the temps will be around normal or maybe just below normal for this time of year. I'll still get my dog out there for her walk and soak up some of the Vitamin D from the sun. I heard it's great in revving up some energy for the the rest of the day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASPEN MOUNTAIN PRESS

 Thanks for stopping at my blog on AMP's 5th Anniversary –

Let me introduce myself.  My name is Marie Roy.  I also write under another name and some of you may know me as Collette Thomas.    I'm quite used to living life as a double because in real life I'm an identical twin.  She's not a writer, but let's say one day I will write stories of what's it like to be a twin, especially throughout our growing up years when we dressed alike, talked alike, and even thought alike.  I write a little about this aspect of my life on this blog in an earlier post.

As Marie Roy I write contemporary romance which I feel uplifts the spirit and touches the heart.

Stormbound is one of the stories I wrote under my name and can be found at Aspen Mountain Press.  This story is quite close to my heart inspired while vacationing in the Lake George, New York area with my late husband.  While browsing through a gift shop in that area I spotted these Christmas carolers.  From that point on the germ of an idea embedded itself into my heart as well as my mind.   A few years later my story Stormbound was released at Aspen Mountain Press where it earns four star reviews.  Basically it's a delightful story filled with quirky characters.  It is a straight romance who anyone can read...mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and anyone looking for a nice relaxing read, although do expect a few quite unexpected twists and turns. 

As Collette Thomas things really do heat up.  My story Night Fantasies also at Aspen Mountain Press was inspired actually by a dream that I had one night.  Yes, it was quite a sexy dream truth be told. 

Again, an idea embedded itself somewhere inside my brain and before I knew it I had created a story I think that most readers will enjoy reading.  Yes, Night Fantasies is quite sexy, and considered an erotic romance.  Also, as I've told my readers, you will never look at a wedding cake quite in the same way again.   Honest! 

Then one summer while I moderated a Yahoo group known as the Erotic Romance Workshop I encouraged several of the writers to coordinate together with me on an anthology of stories about someone getting stuck inside an elevator with a very attractive man or woman and then living out a fantasy. 

This resulted is a hot sexy anthology of stories titled Goin' Down.  Again you'll find that anthology on AMP's website.    I myself do not like elevators, especially the ones that go too slow because I think their going to get stuck, but I think after writing my story titled Elevator Man I'm not as hesitant to get on an elevator anymore.  After reading these stories you'll understand why.

To find out more about me just read through this blog.   And to find out more about me and what else I write as Collette Thomas just go to my NEWSLETTER.

CONTEST TIME

Please comment on this blog here and you will be entered to win BOTH copies of Stormbound and Night Fantasies.

 

Tour Rules:
1) Tour Starts: Monday, August 1, 2011 at Midnight (EST)
Tour Ends: August 7, 2011 at Midnight (EST)
Final Celebration is August 7th from 6pm-11pm (EST) at the AMP Community Loop.
Grand Prize: a Kindle (Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6″ Display with New E-Ink Pearl Technology) is the Grand Prize. Drawing will take place and be announced on August 7, 2011 on the AMP Community Loop at 11pm (EST). Only comments posted before 10pm (EST) on August 7, 2011 are eligible to win the Kindle. Winner will be notified by email on August 8, 2011 if they are not present on the Loop for the announcement.
***Individual winners from author contests will be drawn and posted August 8, 2011 on their individual sites.***
2) Participation at every blog on the tour is not required but the more blogs a person comments on, the more chances they have to win. If a person comments on one blog, they are entered into the Grand Prize Drawing once. If they comment on ten different blogs, they will be entered into the Grand Prize drawing ten times. Only one comment per blog per person will be entered to win the Grand Prize.
3) The winner of the Grand Prize must be a resident of the United States with a US mailing address. Non-US winners will be eligible for $50 US in Aspen Mountain Press books from the AMP Website.
4) Prizes at individual author blogs are completely at the discretion of the individual authors and are not in association with Aspen Mountain Press and its prize system. To enter the contest on any given blog, you must follow their contest rules and objectives.
5) By commenting on any blog in the tour, the participant is agreeing to these rules and policies.
6) All prize winners will be chosen randomly by using Random Line Picker.

Thank you for Touring my Blog your Next stop is the Aubrey Leatherwood whose books are coming soon to AMP and I can't wait to read them.

Happy Touring

For the next Stop on the tour

CLICK HERE 

July's Almost Over - Where Did It Go?

This summer is going by too fast.  I haven't even been to a pond, let alone a lake, or the beach.  In my youth that's where you would find me especially on weekends, near the Connecticut shore.  I loved that place, specificially in Old Lyme, CT, more specifically in Sound View, and even more specifically on Hartford Avenue where all the action was and still is.

I need to get myself down there before summer's end.  I will always remember spending two weeks during summer vacations there.  My parents would rent a cottage (actually a two-story house) right on Hartford Avenue from my father's sister who not only owned that property but a smaller cottage right in back.  Being that I'm Italian you can imagine the weekends down there when all the relatives would come down to visit from on my father's side and also on my mother's side.

I remember tomato sauce cooking on the stove and huge pots of spaghetti served to the droves of cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends.

I remember a donut shop that produced freshly baked donuts that melted in your mouth--literally.  Every morning my sister and I would make the short walk up the street from our cottage to buy a dozen of the cinnamon glazed ones.  (My mouth is starting to water now.)

My sister and I became well known during those summers in a sense because we were known as the "twins" who looked alike, dressed alike, sounded alike and you almost couldn't tell us apart.  To confuse people even more our names were the same but switched...I was known as Marie Angela, and she?  You can take a guess.  In a sense I think we felt like one person for many of those formative years.  I still remember us both wearing these yellow sun dresses with spaghetti straps.  We were into our teens then and we looked well..."hot" in those yellow sundresses with the spaghetti straps.  We both wore our hair similarly, long and straight.  We had great tans.  What Italian doesn't?  Yes, we turned heads.  But we also had a very handsome, very rugged looking, very protective father who stood at five foot six yet his voice would make the tallest shake in their shoes.  Not to mention a mother who quiet most of the time knew how to swing that spatula if need be. 

On Hartford Avenue there was the Penny Arcade, the Carousel, the various eateries, and of course the sandy beach and the ocean.  I haven't smelled that ocean scent in years now and realized the other day I miss it.  There's something really organic when driving toward the shoreline where you get close enough to smell the watery brine of the ocean and you get this deep inner sense of connection to all that's around you.  I need to get to the shoreline before summer's end, but not today.

Today is when I pay my property taxes due August 1.  Lets hope the town does a better job of budgeting the monies they receive from the taxpayers than what is happening in Washington DC.

It's Damn Hot Today!

I am not venturing out too much today.  I put out the garbage can last night so I didn't have to do it this morning.  The drapes and curtains are drawn and the AC is set at a comfortable temperature.  The best thing I ever did in my life was to purchase Fijitsu units that go on the wall and never come down.  I made that decision after one weekend when I did not yet have the window air conditioning units in and the temperatures inside my house rose to ninety-four degrees.  That was the same weekend when a fluky thing happened to my furnace that ended up spewing oil over the cement floor around the unit.

It was on a Sunday that I'm calling my oil company's emergency line.  Within an hour they were on the scene.  The furnace was only six months old at the time.  I still remember them burning off the fuel and thick black smoke spewing from my chimney into the quiet summer air.  Horrendous.  And during that same period a lightning storm fried my modem.  Come Monday I had the repair guys from the oil company and the phone company inside this house, and both could not imagine how I could live here with 90 plus temps.  My basement was the only place I could go to escape the heat at the time but because of the problems with the furnace, the smell of the oil,  and the problem with the phone line upstairs I found myself having to stay upstairs and deal with the heat.

The repairman mentioned Fijitsu units that would essentially give me central air.  My eyes opened wide, hope soared inside me that I could actually start to live a more comfortable life than what I was living.   I thought back to the first winter as a widow and the first blizzard where the wind actually blew my drapes back and forth.  At the time I did have an airconditioning unit still inside the window so that cold air coming through the sides of it was fast negating the warmth that a 40 plus year old furnace could muster.  There I was at midnight duct taping sheets of plastic to a large picture window, side windows, over the entire airconditioning unit, plus a doorway and whatever else I detected frigid air coming through.  

These Fijitsu's also pump out heat as well.  I thought well with the new furnace and these Fijitsu's I may never suffer through another harsh winter or hot sultry summer again.  Besides, I am getting old...older, and my body no longer is able to adapt to extreme temperatures.   I had them install not one, not two, but three of these units. 

Today we will have triple digit temps outside.  It's morning and my temp gauge reads 94 outside, 76 inside.  Humidity is low inside, and barely breathable outside.

 I'm sitting here in relative comfort thanks to my decision to buy these units, which are also so quiet I have to look at them to see if they're on by the red light.

Gone are the days of spending summer days down in my basement, or sleeping on a pull out sofa in my family room because it several degrees cooler in there.

Yep, it's damn hot out there.   I'm staying indoors today.

TO LOVE A SOLDIER

This is a review from Amazing Authors Showcase for my book formerly A Soldier's Fortune and retitled To Love A Soldier. I thought this would be a perfect time to re-introduce this story for the upcoming July 4th weekend. This book hasn't received much exposure over the years, in fact very little. I now retain all rights so am able to upload it to the various publishers' websites such as Amazon and Smashwords.

You can click on Amazon to order your ebook today.

Or if you like you can click on Smashwords to get a copy of  To Love A Soldier.

Below is one of several reviews where To Love A Soldier (formerly A Soldier's Fortune earned itself four stars!

"A wonderful romance that spans decades, Ms. Roy has broken the mold of the same old same old in romantic fiction to bring us a down-to-earth hero and heroine.

Thirty years ago Sean McIntyre broke Lia Stewart's heart when he didn't show up for their scheduled elopement. She'd left the meeting place hurt and dejected, believing Sean had let her down in love. She left Split Maple Ridge with no intentions of returning.

Sean had dropped out of Harvard Law and enlisted in the service and became a Medevac helicopter pilot during the Vietnam Conflict. Now he owns McIntyre Construction where he hires Vietnam Vets to work for him. A job lands him in Split Maple Ridge, Vermont to develop some land for a condo building project. Lia's father, Eliah Stewart, plans on stopping the development even if it means shooting at the workers from a tree. He believes Native American artifacts will be destroyed if the project continues.

Lia rushes to Vermont to mount a archeological rescue dig to pacify her cantankerous old father and keep him out of jail. She hadn't planned on staying long, but Eliah breaks a leg and Sean offers them a place to stay until he's recovered.

Lia and Sean are still drawn to each other. Thirty years couldn't erase those old feeling, but both carry secrets about the night of their foiled elopement that needs to be out in the open before they can start anew.

Can love survive over time and distance, secrets and lies? To Love A Soldier makes you believe love really can conquer all."

Today's Youth

I know there are kids out there actually willing to learn. Yet, a little while ago a neighbor's son comes over and without asking starts to go through stuff that is on my shelves. I was in the other room. I didn't particularly liked his touching my stuff without asking my permission. And when he picks up a National Geographic DVD on the Universe and asked, "Did you really watch this?" I said yes. His reply, "Boring."

That tells me a lot about this misguided soul who feels that the world around us boring, that learning about it, and discovering new things about it is not worth his time.

There are so many inane boring reality shows on TV that this generation has no awareness of that what surrounds them in terms of enlightenment, and basically a solid understanding of our world can set them on a course that will feed their curiosity for years to come.

Sad indeed.

Of course when I mentioned that to truly understand the Universe you need a good understanding of math...well hello...that's when I really lost his focus.

The fact that I was working and trying to finish a writing project probably contributed to my impatience with his lack of insight as well as his inability to truly understand that learning about the Universe puts you into a place where one's perspectives about the world can be changed.

As if he could understand that or even attempt to comprehend.

Thankfully I had just finished watching a news clip about two young men who won a prestigious award that may indeed help find a fast and less aggressive treatment for killing cancer cells. That restored my faith that today's youth are on track and our answers about so many things for the future.

Anyway I was not in a particularly good mood when my neighbors left. I feel bad about it but by the same token I don't like when I'm criticized for the material I read, or watch, and enjoy.

How many times have people come into my house and criticized the fact that I have a lot of books. Some have looked at me as if I'm crazy. Yet...I do not go over to their house and look through their things. I know better. I respect others because of my empathy that they may not like the idea of me going through their things.

Which basically tells me that "respect for others" and "empathy for others" are greatly lacking in some of today's youth.

I think if there was more respect and empathy we wouldn't be a world of nations against nations...religions against religions. Instead there could be more hope for this world instead of a world that may end May 21, 2011.

I now need to get back to my writing project that is about ready to be released.

Transitions Are Difficult!

"As you know, transitions are not easy. I'd love to get your advice on how you've handled transitions in your own life," she said in a video posted on YouTube."

This is a statement made by Maria Shriver. I read it today in a posting on Yahoo which basically announced Maria Shriver's separation from her husband Arnold. I was very sad to hear about the separation. Married 25 years you have to wonder how difficult it really is for two people to stay together especially in today's sometimes chaotic as well as confusing society.

Nonetheless transitions are not easy because they take time. And in the process we who go through them become very confused ourselves and even our lives may take on a chaos that we had not thought possible.

In a way seeing Ms. Shriver's statement about transitions and the fact that she does not know what she's doing at this time while going through the process made me feel slightly better about my own life. I've gone through so many transitions during the course of my lifetime...as a single adult, then married, and motherhood, then employed...unemployed (three times losing jobs through outward reasons) and then widowhood. I'm now transitioning into a phase of my life where I really need to think about what I enjoy doing most as opposed to what I need to do the most.

I'll reach another milestone next month. The fact that this is happening kind of preys on my mind at times reminding me that our time here on this earth is well limited rather than unlimited.

Yet inside I feel the same as I did when I was in my 20's, 30's, 40's...but that's in my mind. My body tells me different. And that's when I know I am transitioning again into a mindset that tells me whoa...you can't do everything you used to do, and if you want to do it in moderation.

I read somewhere that when we transition at times we might feel a bit crazy inside only because somewhere in our mind we are making the necessary readjustments that will allow us to eventually make that transition to whatever we need to be at this time in our lives.

To do this I guess my advice to Maria Shriver is to do what I've done...simply let go, relax, and for a time just "be!" Focus on our passions in life, do what we truly enjoy doing, and then slowly allow the mind to settle from the chaos that was produced by the unsettling.

I find that at times when I look into a mirror I don't recognize the person I see, or I don't really relate to that person I see. That tells me somewhere inside my brain things need to start clicking until it all comes together.

And frankly I think this takes a lifetime to do.

Spring has Sprung!

Except I'm still wearing my winter clothing. There is something in the air as well. A tightness in my chest tells me this. I'm trying not to panic, at least not as much as I did several weeks ago to the extent I would land myself into the ER.

At my age you just need to rule everything out. That plus the fact I was also experiencing deja vu from remembering that my husband had also been experiencing similar symptoms as I was. We did not panic, he did not get himself to the ER, consequently I've been a widow going on nine years.

So I tell myself understandably I would become somewhat alarm and want to check things out.

Still, the other day the same symptoms came and this time I purposely waited it out, hoping that I was doing the right thing. The tightness comes and goes, and the inability to take a full breath as well. Of course when I dwell on it more, it worsens, when I get busy with other things it lessens. This tells me to take it minute by minute.

The fact that I also suffer a panic disorders since adolescent doesn't help the situation any. Like anyone with an affliction we learn to live with these shortcomings. Except for me I look totally okay on the outside, yet try to explain to anyone why I don't venture out sometimes is an exercise in futility. So goes the old saying "walk in my shoes," then perhaps an understanding will arise.

I think all this helps in my writing to the extent that I know characters as do people do or not do things because of underlining, sometimes well hidden causes.

None of us want to be known as "nutcases." Or unable to cope with what this world can throw at us. Although the world is getting crazier and things are well pretty stressful.

I came across the sentence in a newscast about the recent aftershock in Japan by a coincidentally 64 year old woman.

"Even the way the clouds move isn't right."

I thought to myself, that's how I have been regarding the weather here as well. I mean I look up into the sky and there is something more there and if we make ourselves become more aware of what is going on on this earth then perhaps we can get some insight as to what is really happening.

Yes there are the prophecies notably what is supposed to happen in the year 2012, specifically December 21, 2012 by what the Mayan calendar tells us.

Yet cultures before us who have thrived and passed on all prophesy the end of days and if any of them had occurred I would not now be writing this blog.

Fortunately, I don't dwell much on that stuff. You can't because it is beyond anyone's control to do anything about it.

I pretty much live in the present. At times the present presents me occurrences that can throw me into a tailspin. This past winter was difficult for me in terms of getting through it. Maybe because I'm older, feel less able to handle things as well as I used to and know my body no matter how well I take care of it is getting more fragile as time goes by.

Yet every day I make it a point to do something purposeful, especially with my writing. Under my pen name I work on my mini series. And continue on a project involving letters between my mom and dad during WWII. Talk about scary times. I may have been born after the war but the effects of that time affected my childhood in ways that only now I am beginning to put together.

I think I can only say for now my father survived the war, but my mom who waited for him here on the homefront did not in terms of a mental illness that caused her to suffer huge emotional, psychological, as well as neurological disorders throughout my and my sister's developmental years.

Holy cow! Enough of that.

I'm going to go out and see if I can spot some more Robins. There is a thin veil of clouds covering the sky allowing no sun to come through. No wonder I'm so contemplative, and delving into a past that still carries so many truths and revelations.

And even I can say here thousands of miles from that other 64-year-old woman, "Even the way the clouds move isn't right."

Winter Woes!

What a winter! I'm sure everyone here in CT will agree with over thirty roof collapses, one occurring not less than five minutes from me.

And if that's not enough we're going to have to watch out for flooding when the warmer weather starts setting in. I have mounds of snow in my backyard and wonder where is it all going to go once it starts the melting process.

This has been a winter of distractions for me and for my writing. The flow has been interrupted with thoughts of roof cave ins, possible power outages, and a dog that needs grooming. I had scheduled to bring her in this Monday. I called to ensure their roof had been shoveled. Not yet. I canceled the appointment.

I do know spring is not far. Peering through my bay window this past Sunday I spotted a flock of geese flying in perfect formation toward one of my favorite places...a small lake in our town where geese go to nest. I can't wait when I can go take walks there. It is a place for reflection where I can get my mind back into a calmer state.

The words "life is short" echo more now than ever before. Goals for me have changed some although I'm still focused on writing my stories. I do know because of what has occurred during these past eight years I'm always alert to possibilities of things either falling by the wayside or actually going at a good pace.

During these types of winters one has to realize that weather can call the shots. So I go accordingly.

Ideas for stories are spinning around inside my brain just waiting for release.

I hope that the weather will give us all a bit of a reprieve this week. It looks like it's doing just that. I look forward to going dancing this weekend. And I hope I'll keep dancing my way right into spring!

Holidays Over!

The last blog was made before Christmas and here we are into the new year of 2011.

This again puts a whole lot of stuff into perspective. Time does not wait, and as we or as I get older it definitely does not stand still.

I do know the more I approach another milestone which will come mid year for me I definitely will try to live my life in a way that appreciates more and more what I have in the present.

I'll do what needs to be done but by the same token focus more on living a better life, and hopefully helping others do as well.

I think enjoying the company of others -- friends and family, even strangers we may encounter at the supermarket, drugstore, or anywhere that brings people together.

I know when I was years younger I felt I had all the time in the world. Lately, I feel that less and less as I go through my ordinary days. It doesn't necessarily mean I want to travel a lot although that is in the mix, but I think more toward learning, understanding, and grasping even just a little of the mysteries that surround us all.

Just this week there were two reports of birds and fish dying for unknown reasons ... and we're talking into the thousands.

That's scary. Reasons were given yet it has me wondering why in this year, and why hasn't this happened before that it would make the news. Re the birds, fireworks? Hail? Some sort of sickness? Why now?

I don't mean to be a doomsayer but hello...are these signs?

Earthquakes, floods, mudslides, snow falling in Phoenix, Arizona....

Okay, so in the back of my mind 2012 does come into play. There are literally hundreds of books on this subject, one of which I do have and will closely read as the days pass by.

Meantime, I'm appreciating every day I have here and again hope to make the year 2011 a good one for not only myself but also for those I touch in terms of connections.

Okay, let me go get my tax folders and get ready for the tax man!